Thursday, March 5, 2009

I'm Psychic! But I Know You Already Knew That.

A few weeks ago I highlighted a couple of robberies that occurred in the area and predicted that as the economy worsened, people would resort to more of these desperate acts. So far I've been proven right as there has been a slight uptick in bank robberies. In the past month there have been 6 bank robberies throughout Suffolk -- which doesn't sound like a lot, but remember bank robberies aren't the norm these days -- not to mention the numerous home burglaries that do happen often. But this one here just gives you the "lulz":

A man entered a Washington Mutual bank branch, located at 138 East Main Street, Smithtown, at 1:10 p.m. and approached a teller with a threatening note demanding cash. The teller complied with the robber’s demands by issuing him a receipt with a code to receive cash from a dispensing machine. At this branch, tellers are unable to dispense cash. Cash is dispensed from a customer cash machine by entering a numerical code issued by a teller. The robber was unfamiliar with the procedure and fled the bank without getting cash.

This just makes you want to do this.

Imagine, if you will, that you're about to rob a bank. The adrenaline is flowing through your body since you've never done this before. You're taking a risk here but think you'll be able to make a run for it. You approach the teller with the water gun -- bought at Family Dollar -- in the coat pocket; hand over your threatening letter that looks like it was written by a chicken. And what does the teller hand you? A receipt to get cash from a dispensing machine.

Now, I don't need to remind you that if someone has gotten this far in their Jesse James-esque plan at financial freedom they're probably too stupid to understand the intricacies of a cash dispensing thing-a-ma-jig. And one would imagine that such a humiliating attempt at robbing a bank would steer the most hard-up broke bastard from trying again.

Ah, but one would be wrong.

The same man entered another Washington Mutual bank branch, located at 951 Montauk Highway, Oakdale, at 2:06 p.m. and approached a teller with a note demanding cash and threatening to use a gun. The teller complied with the robber’s demands and gave him cash and a dye pack from the drawer.

Poor guy can't get a break! How is one supposed to properly rob a bank without cooperation? What does one have to do in order to make some money with banks? Well, maybe open one and then have the government bail you out -- but that's neither here nor there.

Where was I? Oh yeah! Raise your hand if you think this obelisk of brilliance is actually going to use that money to purchase something.

::raises both::


bt said...

The editor is a btard?

Editor said...

I had to look that up and I like neither definition!

Anonymous said...

"lulz", pedobear, and picard...I think the evidence speaks for itself.

Editor said...

Uh ... thanks? :\